TMI – Too much icing?

TMI. Too Much Information. We use this phrase daily, as teenagers, when our parents, friends or teachers tell us something personal that we don’t want to hear. Funny how when we grow up we begin to use it ourselves. Let’s explore some of the common situations that could be classified as a modern day TMI.

Although typically mild, announcing that you need to use the restroom could be classified as TMI. There are various ways to do this: “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom” or “I need to pee, move”. Even better would be “I have to take a massive dump, everyone move out of the way and don’t go into the bathroom for at least 20 minutes”. Occassionally we are blessed with the old ladies in the grocery store that want to tell us about their bowel movements. They are my favorite! They tend to lean towards you, while passing gas, and tell you that the bean burrito they ate yesterday is trying to make a grand exit. Or what about the unashamed man in his forties that just makes wind as he picks out a loaf of bread? Since we are on the topic of gas I just have to mention how much it makes me laugh when people use public restrooms to have a bowel movement. I laugh, not because it is embarrassing or innapropriate but because it just sounds funny. I condone public restroom use – just wipe the toilet seat with lysol first. Aren’t I horrible?

Back to TMI… All of my friends cringe when they think about their parents having sexual relations. This is probably the #1 TMI topic. Oddly, it bothers me none. Let them have their fun and here’s hoping that when I am 50-70 I still have a healthy sex life. Since this is a sensitive topic, I won’t expound. It is as simple as this: Do not talk to your children about your sex life. Period. No ifs, ans or buts.

I’m starting to see a pattern – are you? TMI is almost always about bodily functionality in some way, shape or form. How is it that something so ingenious has become the topic non grata? Perhaps talking about bodily functions would be fun…shall we?

You know what I hate? Stomach noises. As a child, I had a stomach that held conversations with my friends and at bad times at that! I would press my textbook to my stomach during bible class, hoping that it would shut up or no one would notice. As a middle schooler,  I would grab a few bites of apple between class in hope of appeasing the monster within. Then as an adult I would sit as far away from everyone as possible in meetings at work. Last week I discovered gas-ex and things have never been the same.

What about vomiting? Most commonly occurring with sickness or excessive drinking. I choose the later as the top contender in the United States. Every weekend thousands upon millions of college aged students droop over their toilet bowls (if they make it that far) to cough up the remains of yesterday’s breakfast. Others grace the kitchen trash, a lawn, and at worst, the cat pan. What? It functions as a toilet for some creature! For the record – I don’t vomit. gross.

I am sure that I could come up with lots of other obnoxious bodily functions to pick on such as wiping boogers on the walls of public restrooms but I will save that for another time. I would much rather open up the floor and see what you guys think…any TMI moments to share?

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